In Search of the G-spot
by Brettani Shannon
In Search of the G-spotMen want to make women squeal with anticipation and scream with ecstasy. They want to be king of the “O.” Women go to great lengths searching out methods for achieving orgasm, aching to unleash their inner sex goddess. This conquest has led people in many directions, but the most sought-after is the infamous G-spot, said to be the deepest, most intense orgasm possible. Unfortunately, the G-spot orgasm seems like an unattainable pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for many. Want to know if it’s really possible? Want to know what to do with it? There is a lot of hype about the G-spot, but there aren't many real answers. Below, we set the record straight.
Let’s start with a few frequently asked questions:
Is it real?
It is real according to many women and experts. There is debate among scientists about the existence of such a spot, but sex therapists all around the world support the scientific claim that it is a reality. Most agree that it is a general area, varying in placement, size, sensitivity and appeal.
Does every woman have one?
This is a very debated subject. Ask women, and you will hear that some believe they do and some don’t. Most experts concur that because of the varying sensitivity and appeal, women react differently to stimulation, giving the false impression that it only exists in some women. Some researchers believe that the G-spot’s sensitivity is due to Skene’s (or paraurethral glands) in the area. The number of glands varies in women, so according to this theory, the size and level of sensitivity of the area most likely also varies greatly. Other professionals disagree and say that glands play only a small part of the sexual reactions. Some claim that the particular nerve endings surrounding the glands produce an orgasm different than the one produced by clitoral stimulation. The same tissue that makes up the clitoris also holds the paraurethral glands and that when aroused, that area swells and increases in sensitivity.
Where is it? Is it in the same place on every woman?
It’s on the front wall of the vagina. Depending on the woman, it could be anywhere from one centimeter up to one-third of the way up the vagina. It surrounds the urethra, also called the urethral sponge. You should be able to find it yourself by reaching your fingers inside your vagina. It feels rough, unlike the smooth rest of the vaginal wall and after you stroke it for a bit, it should make you feel like you need to tinkle. The urge to pee comes from pressure on the sponge. It causes the same sensation as when a full bladder puts pressure on it.
LYC’s Advice:
Figure things out for yourself first
Number one tip: Please remember that not everyone likes that area of their vagina to be stimulated. In fact, some women find it irritating instead of arousing. This may sound odd because of the buzz about the infamous G-spot, but it is true. Pressuring yourself about it is a really bad idea, as stress is a huge inhibitor to sexual pleasure. Don’t fake it for your partner. If you are the partner, do not worry about it. If she invites you to explore with her, then follow her lead. Don’t feel bad if you don’t find it or she doesn’t like it. That does not reflect on either of you as a lover.
I would suggest trying it yourself a few times before getting your partner to try it. Before sex or self-stimulation, try emptying your bladder so that you feel more confident in letting inhibitions go. Use your fingers to find the rough area and then firmly stroke it up and down in a “come hither” motion. You could also try using a curved toy to reach it. If you don’t like it at all, then be alright with leaving it alone. It’s not the only way to orgasm, so don’t feel bad. If it feels good, continue. Press on through the “I’ve got to pee” stage until orgasm is reached. Some suggest that pushing out with your vaginal muscles when you feel like the big “O” is near can help you to get there. This may cause you to excrete a sexual fluid referred to as female ejaculation (more about that below).
Stimulating the G-spot can feel great even if you don’t orgasm from it. Many women say that they have to “let go” when they have the urge to urinate during stimulation, and that can be difficult to do. Allow yourself to enjoy it without feeling like you have to orgasm from it. You may orgasm from clitoral stimulation in the attempt. As you experiment more, you may find your own way of “letting go.”
Spend some time getting used to how it feels so that when you are with your lover, you can recognize the feeling as you experiment with different sexual positions. Try different types of stroking motions and pressure. Use your fingers or a toy in a motion like you are trying to scratch an itch on your G-spot. Continue with this motion without taking your finger or the toy all the way out of your vagina. Then try circular motions and go back and forth.
There is a lot of literature that has women with very high sex drives who are easily stimulated discussing the G-spot, but don’t confuse that with the majority. A more accurate representation of females as a whole would tell you that their likes and dislikes very greatly. For example, some women can’t stand for the clitoris to be directly excited during oral sex, and others can’t wait for it.
The best ways to stimulate the G-spot are:
With fingers in a “come hither” movement. As an addition to oral sex and/or anal play, this method can produce and intense reaction.
Sex toys, especially those designed for G-spot stimulation with a curved tip, can be used alone or with your lover. Also, try coupling sex toys with oral sex. Many women say that vibrators are the best way to excite your G-spot.
Many women say that it is much easier to stimulate their G-spot once they are already very turned on (clitoral stimulation), so have a lot of foreplay before going for it.
Positioning yourself with your hips thrust forward can help you get there. So, if you are on your back, pull your knees toward your chest and put a pillow under your hips.
During intercourse, try it in missionary position with your man high up on you. This will cause the base of his penis to stimulate both the clitoris and the G-spot! A variation would be with him standing up and you on a counter that positions him slightly above your point of entry.
Another position that works well is rear entry, or “doggy style” because the angle allows his penis to put pressure on the anterior wall where the G-spot is. Experiment with your legs being together, a little bit apart, or spread wide. Also see what it’s like to bend far forward or stretch up, lying on your tummy, or sittin back onto his lap.
When you’re on top, try sliding yourself forward and back, without bouncing up and down. This action can stimulate both your clitoris and your G-spot. Also try leaning back, bracing yourself with your hands on his legs or the bed so that you can move up and down. Your lover can help bring you to orgasm by using his fingers to play with your clitoris, holding onto your hips, or pushing himself up toward you.
Other tips:
Remember that as a woman, you probably need to be mentally and emotionally stimulated as well as physically stimulated for sex to be fantastic. Whether by yourself or with your lover, setting the scene so you aren’t distracted will help you fully experience the ecstasy. Explain this to your partner so that they can help facilitate a great experience for you.
Talk with your partner about this subject before you go for it. You could even read this article over again with your partner. It can help you both to have reasonable expectations and also help you to get in sync with each other.
Open up communication during sexual encounters. Especially because it is difficult for most women to “let go,” it can be extremely helpful to have a word of encouragement from your lover when you feel like holding back.
Make sure your partner’s fingernails are clipped and clean if you can. Because the G-spot is generally something you want to massage with more force than other areas, you’ll want to take precaution against scratching.
Coupled with oral sex, milking a man’s prostate (using the same method as G-spot stimulation – come hither motion of the finger, etc.) produces an orgasm much like the one reached by G-spot stimulation. In fact, some experts say that the Skene’s glands are actually the female prostate. So, if you dare…try two new things together!
Remember that stimulating your G-spot is most likely to get you off if there has been plenty of foreplay (kissing and touching of the lips, breasts, other erogenous zones, etc.). The increased blood flow to your genital area as you get turned on makes all parts of you more sensitive.
Sometimes the G-spot area (and other areas) can be too sensitive to enjoy. If you think this might be the case, try asking your partner to stimulate other parts of your body at the same time, distracting your attention. For example: use toys like dildos and vibrators to play with your clitoris or anus while attempting to arouse the G-spot. Suggest he massage your breasts, kiss your inner thighs, or grab onto your things and buttocks. He could caress your tummy, rib cage, back, shoulders, etc. Even some gentle scratching can help distract you from the intensity of overstimulation. There are also desensitizing gels that may be worth trying out.
Research shows that stimulation of the G-spot greatly increases one’s pain threshold. The outcome is that a little rough love may feel great if the G-spot is being stimulated. Some experts think that the G-spot is responsible for easing some pain during childbirth.
Some people claim that getting deep tissue or trigger point massages release tension in the body and mind that can inhibit sexual pleasure -- in particular, G-spot orgasms and female ejaculation.
About female ejaculation:
Some women (10% - 50%) ejaculate when they experience an orgasm via G-spot stimulation. It happens because the Skene’s glands (number varying in women) are “milked” when you stimulate the G-spot (evidence to support the theory that, at least for some women, the glands are the reason for the pleasure spot). Another explanation for the small number of women who ejaculate is that women are sexually aroused in such a variety of ways that only a small portion of them stimulate the glandular area that induces it. But the most likely reason is that very few women are able to “let go” when it’s “O” time.
There is a lot of discussion about this subject using the word “squirting” in forums. Women and men share a variety of views: loving it, trying to do it, and even wanting nothing to do with it. Most suggest experimenting by yourself first (your inhibitions are likely to be lower), to avoid embarrassment of the unknown, and to relieve any concern about it being urine. If you aren’t sure, use a white towel or tissue to catch the fluid so you can examine it. Sometimes it shoots out; sometimes it dribbles or runs out of women. It can range from a couple of drops to a couple of cups of liquid.
The fluid is released from the glands surrounding urethra opening. The actual composition seems to be a small amount of a chemically altered form of urine mixed with the glandular fluid, which is very similar to the liquid released when a man’s prostate is “milked.” It is clear or milky, not yellow. It doesn’t smell like urine, nor does it stain like urine. It is possible, although very unlikely, for women to urinate during intercourse especially if the muscles weakened from childbirth haven’t been restored back to their normal elasticity and strength. Those muscles can be repaired by doing Kegal exercises.
LYC’s conclusion:
Women are blessed with the ability to orgasm from many different arousing techniques. It seems only natural that we would enjoy some methods more than others. Embrace your own individuality and sexual identity. Make a conscious effort not to compare yourself with others so much that you see a problem with yourself. Many women dwell on trying to figure the G-spot out, and it takes a toll on their sex lives. You can’t let yourself become burdened with the pressure of finding it, achieving orgasms, or ejaculation. Whether you do or you don’t, you are not alone. Of course, if you are really concerned about yourself, talk to a professional. Unless it’s a health issue, sex therapists are probably better qualified than doctors to assist people with achieving their sexual goals.
Making love should be both comfortable and exciting. It should be an adventure and a connection between lovers. Stepping outside of your box to experiment is a great way to gain confidence in your sexuality and keep things hot in the bedroom. There are a lot of things to try. Search online (lovingyou.com has a lot of suggestions), read up on the subject, talk to friends, and talk to your lover. Bedroom helpers consist of pillow talk, Kama Sutra, romantic ambiance, oral sex techniques, better sex aid products, and more! Experimenting with the G-spot is just one of the many ways your lovemaking can be enhanced.
For the men: We understand the physiological effects of pleasing your lover as valuable elements to your sexual experience, but please do not obsess over G-spot orgasms or female ejaculation. Instead, rate yourself on how happy you both are with your sex life and remember that she needs to be mentally and emotionally stimulated just as much as she needs to be physically aroused.
Source: http://www.lovingyou.com/content/passion/lovemaking-content.php
