The Truth About Sex and the Big "O"

The Truth About Sex and the Big "O"
by Brettani Shannon

In the world of sex, one topic seems to pop up quite frequently with women. "Why can't I reach an orgasm during intercourse?" Rumor has it that there are things you should and shouldn’t do to help you get there, but with all the mixed messages it can be very confusing. We've decided to get to the bottom of the issue once and for all. We took the most commonly asked questions and provided the answers to give you the final word on getting your big "O."

Are there certain positions that make it easier for women to get there?
Positions that facilitate clitoral stimulation during intercourse are very commonly the chosen positions for women. For this reason, the woman on top is probably the most common, but also because she is in control of the movement, pace, pressure, and position. There are many positions, however, that render friction on the clitoris or makes the area available for manual stimulation.

Does the size of a man’s penis determine whether or not he can make her orgasm?
Just as every man's size is different, what brings a woman to pleasure is also different. One reader said that of all the men she'd been with, the man with the smallest penis she'd ever encountered brought her to orgasm more easily than all the rest. In fact, she said that within the first five minutes, every time, she reached orgasm. To add to the one size doesn't fit all claim, many women swear it's the girth, not the length that does it for them. The moral of the story: each woman is different, as is what makes her orgasm. Take some time and experiment with different positions and finger play to see where you need your stimulation.

Does masturbating more often increase your ability to climax with your partner?
Jan Rossey, author of "How To Have An Orgasm During Sex or Masturbation, sheds light on this topic: “Self-pleasuring to orgasm - or masturbation - will make you more and more comfortable with orgasm and more and more comfortable with sexual experiences. The more orgasms you have, the more relaxed about sex you'll become, and you'll be able to share these experiences of sexual arousal and orgasm with a partner more easily.”

Can masturbating too much be the reason you cannot orgasm with your partner?
Masturbating to a fantasy, thinking of others, pornography, etc. can absolutely interfere with your ability to perform, let alone reach orgasm during sex with your partner because of the effects of it on one’s mind, not their bodies. However, the idea that masturbating too much causes desensitization or numbness of the clitoris, which in turn would prevent woman from achieving orgasm during sex is a myth. In fact, masturbation results in quite the opposite effect. It helps women explore their bodies and discover their own "sensitive" spots. Additionally, it provides greater self-esteem and confidence about their sex life, all of which will lead to a greater ability to reach orgasm.

Is it because you can’t get to your clitoris during intercourse?
Go Ask Alice, a health question and answer Internet resource produced at Columbia University, provides some clear insight, “In reality, the clitoris is perfectly placed. The challenge is for you and your partner to find and cultivate its potential. You might consider the clitoris to be 'inaccessible' because in-and-out intercourse does not touch your button of joy. Perhaps it is because the glans (the head of a clitoris) swells during high arousal and hides under the clitoral hood. Even though the glans — made up of 6,000 to 8,000 sensory nerve endings — is "in hiding," it is still a source of incredible pleasure for many women." The best way to compensate for this is to touch or press your "love button" directly or indirectly during intercourse. You can also use external stimuli in the form of adult toys to help achieve an orgasm.

Is stimulating your clitoris the only way a woman can orgasm?
Your main sex organ is actually your brain. What you're thinking about and what mood you're in can determine significantly the type of sexual experiences you have. If you have hang ups or stress about trying to achieve an orgasm through sexual intercourse alone, chances are you're going to run into trouble. However, if you just relax and enjoy the encounter and whatever it may bring, you increase your chances for things happening the way you desire naturally. Honestly, it comes down to how comfortable you are with sex and your partner and the level of excitement you're experiencing.

If I don’t climax during sex, does it mean I don’t have a g-spot?
Everyone has a g-spot. However, not everyone likes it to be touched. To some, the sensation of direct g-spot stimulation borders on irritating! While of course to others, it is amazing. There’s no harm in trying it out, but orgasms are not dependent on enjoying your g-spot.

If you are one of the many women who don’t orgasm during sex, can you still have a good sex life?
A good sex life will always be determined by the attitude each partner has towards their sexuality and the sexual relationship they cultivate between each other. If your partner is unwilling to help you achieve an orgasm outside of actual intercourse, yes, you may have a problem. But the problem isn't your ability to have a good sex life, it's your partner. Be honest with with your partner how your body works and have fun experimenting with different techniques to increase pleasure. One of the best "side effects" of not being able to orgasm through intercourse is that you get to enjoy sex merely for the sake of the pleasure it brings you. There's no focus on the end result. That can be very rewarding, possibly even more so than actually having an orgasm.

Is it normal to count on oral sex for my orgasms?
For some women, it is the only way they orgasm. For others, oral sex is something they would rather do with out. One of the greatest things about oral sex is that there is much room for experimentation. You and your partner both have free hands to utilize to the extent of your imagination. Simultaneous stimulation can make for some pretty powerful orgasms. If you aren’t sure how to introduce new ideas into your lovemaking, you can always leave this article up on your computer screen, leave a book with sexy ideas lying on his bedside table, or simply tell him. The majority of men get really turned on when a woman mentions trying something new or directs them in the bedroom, so don’t fear their reaction.

A man should always make sure his woman is satisfied before he’s done, right?
The truth is that many women hate the pressure of reaching orgasms. Many feel that if you do, great! If you don’t always, it’s ok. In fact, women complain that their men are so obsessed with getting them there, it takes away from the pleasure.
That’s how women end up faking it, and we don’t want to go there. Your man should be man enough to handle the truth about women and orgasms. What does ring true about this statement is that a man should be willing to satisfy his woman before rolling over to sleep. Nothing infuriates a woman more than her guy forgetting about her needs and desires. He should always be aware of how she is feeling and what she is hoping to get from the encounter. It may be that she wanted a bit of closeness and intimate connection, but it might be that she is in dire need of a great orgasm. To be great lovers, the two of you must know and pay attention to each other’s signals.